Perplexed and Frustrated

I’m struggling to understand my brain.

I cried.

And I don’t know why. I am not sure why I am upset, and I am also not sure why I can’t move past the horrible feelings at the pit of my stomach.

It’s frustrating to not know why I reacted the way I did on Thursday. I wanted S to come, but midway through the night, I wanted S to be gone. I can’t seem to figure out why, which is making it impossible to understand how I feel about S, much less about “us.”

The crappy thing is that this is not very new for me.

This is what happened with SJ last summer. This is what happened with Y in sophomore year. This is what happened with J from Sig Nu. This is what happened with S from the set up party.

I feel like this is a pattern of mine that I do not understand.

I’m terrified this is a larger problem of my seeking out destructive relationships.

Must talk to T about this.

I really wish I was normal sometimes.


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