Feeling Lost

It’s been months.

It’s been months since I’ve had the time to sit and process my experiences and thoughts. It’s been months since I felt the need to write something on my blog. It’s been months since I’ve felt so much and so little (whatever that means). It’s been months since I’ve had any insight into myself.

Today I had an hour in between brunch with a friend and a date, and I sat at Starbucks and wrote in my journal for the first time in December.

The only word I could formulate to describe how I’ve been feeling was lost.

Today was actually quite strange. My date took place near where I used to walk everyday to go to work this summer. I stood by the bridge I used to cross, just staring across the water at the navy yard. Snow softly piling on my head, I thought back to the blazing summer heat I walked through each day to the musty-smelling shelter.

So much has changed since then.

The boy I was dating back then.

The friend I spent the most time with back then.

The job I immersed myself in back then.

The hobbies I enjoyed back then.

The conversations I had back then.

Some of the changes are fabulous. My friendships seem more stable now, and the job I am at is so much more fulfilling and in line with what I want to do with my life. I am discovering more language and understanding of the movements and fights I want to be a part of for the rest of my life.

I realized, however, I’ve completely forgotten about my passion for writing, my need for self-reflection, and the goals I made for this year.

I’m struggling to remember the path I wanted to be on, the person I wanted to become, the direction I wanted to head toward.

I’m feeling quite lost.

…like I can’t see the direction I’ve come from, and I’m not sure which way is forward.


I watched The Holiday tonight with V. And maybe the lesson to take away from the movie is the need for change.

Maybe I’ve had enough of being lost and in horrible agony of not knowing who the fuck I am or my place in this world.

Maybe it’s time I need a change of scenery.

Maybe it’s time to turn my world upside down and shake the very core of who I am.



Leave a comment

Tell me what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: