A “Vibe”

Recently I had a very strange experience where a “date” tried to get in my pants within 30 minutes of meeting.

Perhaps it would have been slightly more acceptable in the so called “hook up culture” we apparently live in, had it been at night, under the influence of the social lubrication (aka alcohol), and with loud music to deter conversation.

This experience, however, took place during the day, 100% sober, and in complete silence, not to mention after 30 minutes of conversation that was as stimulating as watching paint dry. Being someone who is incredibly bad at saying no, it took me a full 5 minutes of “wtf is happening” before jumping up and walking out.

Needless to say, I walked away feeling really cheap and dirty. I felt like he saw me as an “easy lay,” and it upset me. We only made out, but I was still disgusted by the inappropriate touching and the pressure I felt to do more stuff. I didn’t even want to kiss; I just felt so much pressure I conceded a little. I called my friend C.

I described to her what happened. We laughed about how awkward and incredibly inappropriate it was. In some ways it was amusing, and I was happy to laugh it off.

Then we began to talk about C’s love life and about a new boy in her life who was trying to woo her. It was then that I started to feel upset again. Stories like hers are the ones that remind me of frustrations I’ve had since freshman year of college. Boys never try to date me; they only try to hook up with me.

There are many assumptions that are made about me, which I’ve deduced from the way guys treat me. Guys assume that I’m always down to hook up. Guys assume I’m an extremely sexual being. Guys assume I’m wild in bed. Guys assume I’m a “dirty little girl.” Guys assume that I’m kinky.

When I expressed my frustrations about these assumptions usually made about me, C said that she would expect me to be kinky as well. She said I gave off a “vibe.”

Whatever this vibe is, I’m confused by it.

I don’t understand how I can give off the “vibe” of being dirty when my experience is average at best. It’s even weirder for me because I am dealing with a lot of intimacy issues that definitely affect anything sexual in my life.

xx

e

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1 Comment

  1. I know it’s tough and frustrating, but I know you’re a strong girl and you’ll find a way to be “hard to get” around guys. Let them try to figure you out rather than having them jump into sexual topics. You don’t give off that vibe at all. I’ll be here if you need anything Eunice :).

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