Apologies and Explanations

Dear 99% of the World,

I wish I could stop having to apologize for needing space.

I wish I could stop having to apologize for hating March and April.

I wish I could stop having to apologize for wanting to stay in and veg out by myself.

I’m tired of apologies I do not mean. I’m tired of apologies that seem to add transparency to my skin. I’m tired of having to hide myself away. I’m tired of feeling shame for how I feel.

I know it’s frustrating to not know why I’m feeling this way, but you aren’t my family, you aren’t my best friend. I don’t owe you any apologies or explanations.

Please know it’s not personal.

I genuinely appreciate your concern, but you do not need to know the details. That’s you just wanting information to satiate your curiosity. Because in all seriousness, what does it matter to you if I’m feeling this way because my boyfriend dumped me or because I’m having problems at work?

You are not the one picking up the pieces of my broken heart. You are not the one drying my tears each night. You are not the one holding me through anxiety attacks.

And you certainly are not the one who needs to know what’s going through my mind.

I’m tired of constantly having to explain myself.

I’m tired of having to explain my depression.

I’m tired of having to explain my past.

When I say “I just need some time to myself,” please take it for what it is. Please don’t guilt trip me. Please don’t make me feel bad. Please don’t make me apologize. Please don’t make me explain.

Please just take it for what it is and trust me when I say it’s not personal.

My depression is not a personal attack on you. That I promise you from the bottom of my heart.

So please, dear world.

Please stop making me apologize for my depression.

Stop making me explain my depression.

xx

e

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2 Comments

  1. So true – others’ need for explanations are exhausting, and usually more about them than the person they purport to be caring for.

    Reply
  2. V.

     /  April 3, 2014

    I love this.

    Reply

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