That Moment – 2

Moment Number 2.

She walks up the stairs of her building, opens the door to her floor, and begins down the long hallway to her door.

With step number 5, the world turns darker, the hallway seems longer – almost endless, and her heart dissipates within her body. The weight of the world crashes on her head, the feeling of emptiness drop kicks her in the stomach, and the sense of worthlessness trips her in her 6th step.

In that moment her head spins, and she can feel with every particle of her body that her life is pointless. All she hears inside her head is, What’s the point?

Her feet suddenly weigh fifty-eight times heavier, and her entire body feels void of organs, blood, and bones. Everything that makes up her being dissolves. Everything that builds her up and keeps her together disappear without even a glance her way.

It is in that moment, she knows that when she walks into her suite with two of her closest friends, she will walk straight into her room, without so much a “hello.” She knows that she will sit on her bed without doing a single thing because even picking up her book to read is too hard, looking at the lives of others on Facebook is too goddamn difficult, and responding to texts and emails is pretty much impossible. She knows when the world goes to sleep, she will lie wide awake, unable to sleep, but unable to stay awake. She knows that at four in the morning, her eyes will fill up with tears, her heart will ache, and the pit of her stomach will feel empty. She knows that her head won’t understand why.

And throughout it all, from that fifth step to four in the morning, the only thought that prevails is: I could disappear right now, and it wouldn’t matter at all.

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