Worthy of Love

We are all worthy of love.

I’ve worked with survivors of relationship and sexual violence for the last four years now. I continue to support them through an amazing online forum called Pandora’s Aquarium. You won’t be able to find me on the forum, because I use an alias. Unless you know my story from start to finish, which no one in the entire universe does, you won’t be able to weed me out (unless of course you know exactly how I write…in which case…well…kudos).

Anyway, I find myself saying that a lot. We are all worthy of love.

It’s true! We all deserve to be treated with respect and to be loved. It’s a pattern I’ve noticed with survivors of sexual and relationship violence (and of course with most people really), we are incapable of believing that. We are also incapable of treating ourselves with the respect and love we want from others.

I know that I am my harshest critic, and I think I hear the meanest things said about me from my own mouth than anybody else’s.

I know as a fact I am not alone in this.

The truth is, it’s really hard to be compassionate to yourself when you’ve learned to be critical of yourself for the last 23 years. It’s damn near impossible to see yourself in a positive light, when all your life you’ve only took in the negatives. When you’ve never been able to take in any compliments.

I never realized I did this until I read this article: “Can Your Daughter Accept a Compliment?” by Michelle Cove. I always put a stop to compliments, turn them down, and even come up with self-deprecating statements to “counterbalance” a compliment. It’s CRAZY just how little I think of myself.


It’s really hard to remember that I too am worthy of love.

I guess that’s what friends are for, right? To remind you.

Two weeks ago when I was having a particularly rough day, I called one of my best friends J. I told her how I’ve been feeling about some of the guys in my life and more importantly about myself.

I told her that I was feeling too messed up to be in a relationship, that I had too much baggage to be with anyone who seemed normal and nice.

J said, “Eunice, it sounds like you feel like you don’t deserve to be in a happy relationship, to be with a nice guy who would be good for you.”

And that completely threw me. That’s something  say to other people. That’s what  say to some of the members at Pandora’s Aquarium. That’s what  say all the time.

It never occurred to me to say it to myself too.

It kind of reminded me of my blog post from months ago, when my therapist told me that I was too hard on myself.

I say “You are worthy of love” to other people, without truly believing it for myself.

Anyway, I think I’m starting to realize how mean I am to myself. I need to learn to accept compliments with grace and truly be compassionate to myself, as I am to others.

Maybe the golden rule is to treat others the way you wanted to be treated; and maybe the ultra platinum rule is to treat yourself the way you would treat someone you love.

It’s a lesson we were never really taught.



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