Sex and Friends

Recently I’ve come to the conclusion that sex and friends don’t mix (and here, sex meaning any sexual activity).

I’m sure there are a ton of people out there who would disagree with me, but I don’t believe in friends with benefits.

I’ve actually had several guy friends tell me that it is okay, in fact highly encouraged, for me to hook up with my guy friends for funsies, experience-sake, or to blow off steam. I only really believed one of them, that he was genuinely capable of hooking up with some of his girl friends and not change his friendships (which, I might point out, does not mean it didn’t change for her).

I’ve refrained from hooking up with my guy friends for the last 22 years, except once (but we weren’t good friends anyway); I didn’t want to complicate anything. I was worried that it would mess things up. I resisted doing anything with any of my guy friends until yesterday.

I hooked up with one of my friends, and hours later, I realized how horrible of a decision it was.

Lately I had been feeling lonely, and honestly I think I just wanted to be held. I wanted be in the arms of someone; I wanted to feel wanted. I think that’s how it started and how I allowed it to happen.

I felt like I was using my friend to scratch an itch.

And that’s not fair.

When you like someone, like genuinely care about them and have romantic feelings for, sex is meaningful and so beautiful…or at least that’s what I imagine it to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I think sex can also be just an “in the moment” thing or just a pleasurable thing people enjoy. And I believe that people can have sex buddies, one night stands, or whatever, but it gets complicated the minute someone cares about the other, more than you would an acquaintance.

I don’t think I’m doing a good job explaining myself, but using a friend to scratch an itch somehow cheapens the friendship. I felt like such a crummy friend for hooking up with my friend just because I was feeling lonely. I was using him, and that’s not a nice thing to do.

Why would I ever want to do anything that would cheapen any friendship I have with someone?

Right?

xx

e

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