Honesty is not the best policy

I’ve come to realize that honesty is not the best policy in the society we live in today.

Isn’t that just upsetting?

Everyday I hear a comment from someone who wants me to be less me, to be smaller than who I am, to stray from being honest and real.

I’m not even going to get into the fake bullshit that goes on at work everyday. Conflict is rarely resolved when the parties involved never talk about it. Passive aggressive behavior makes me want to start sobbing. Seriously. Are we still in high school?

Anyway, what I mean is more in life.

Several months ago, I realized that I really missed this boy, I. He doesn’t live in Boston, so we never really dated or anything, but I had always enjoyed spending time with him. I is super friendly and has always made me feel comfortable. And I liked that about him. Anyway, I wanted to tell him that I missed him. I also sort of wanted to say that I thought that if we had been in the same city we could have been something wonderful.

But I didn’t. My friends said, “Omg Eunice. That is such an intense thing to say. It will freak him out. I don’t even know how he would respond. That’s way too forward. Don’t do it.”

To be fair maybe it was a little intense that I thought we would have been a great couple if we had ever dated. But I still wanted to tell him I missed him. But that idea was struck down really fast.

If you just take a look at the advice that’s given to people in the dating world, you learn very quickly that honesty is not the best policy. “Play hard to get.” “Don’t look so desperate!” “You can’t answer right away. It makes you look too available.”

Seriously people? SERIOUSLY?

Excuse me, but I don’t like getting mind-fucked on a daily basis. If you want to respond, fucking respond.

I think in some sense, it’s a good sign when someone is not 100% always available because I know that this person has his/her own life that is separate from me. But it’s supposed to be a natural thing, not a game you play to look like a challenge.

A couple months ago, I was hanging out with a boy K. I realized that I was really enjoying myself, so I decided to tell him that I liked him. It didn’t end so well…he told me it freaked him out.

I realized that because the majority of the population plays games and aren’t quite so blunt, my “I like you” statement must have sounded like “Wow. Can I be your super serious girlfriend? I want to talk about having babies with you soon.”


There’s a part of me now that is afraid to say exactly as I feel, because I know now that people interpret my words to mean something grander than it actually means. When I feel something, I want to say it too. I don’t know how to explain it in any other way than to quote Stephen Chbosky:

“It’s just that I don’t want to be somebody’s crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too.” (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

Feeling something for someone isn’t just for me. I want to share it with the person for whom I have these feelings. I want people to do the same with me. If you feel something for me, I want to feel it too.

When I say that I feel something, that’s what I mean. I’m not saying it to manipulate you or the situation. I don’t have a secret agenda up my sleeves. I wish we could all trust that we are all just being genuine and honest about how we feel.

Why can’t we all be honest about our feelings? What’s the worst that can happen?

I’m quite positive we would feel ten times more loved than we do now.



Leave a comment

Tell me what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: