100th Post

This is my 100th post in this blog, Simply Beautiful. Happy 100th to me.

I’m really excited to hit this milestone; I’m really proud of how much I’ve written (though not necessarily as consistent as I would have liked).

In this post, I want to take a moment to remember why I started this blog. In the summer I wrote nearly everyday, but it tapered off during the fall. Now I’m trying to write a couple times a week, and I don’t want this to become one of the many (failed) attempts I’ve had throughout my life to write in a journal/diary.

I think it would be helpful to remember why I decided to start this blog in the first place, and with a renewed purpose, I can go on to write the next 100 posts.

So here I go:

1. It became very apparent to me during senior year of college that I bottle up my feelings and thoughts a lot. It was probably why I had my meltdown senior fall, and it was probably why my 4-year advisor, assistant dean of arts & sciences, and my mentor all were concerned about my well-being and even suggested taking a semester off. In hindsight, maybe I should have. Regardless, I realized that I needed a healthier outlet.

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I know I have a lot of anxiety issues, which are worsen by playing events from my past on repeat in my head. I can’t remember a single week in the last four years when I didn’t cry at least once. It’s true, I am a cry-baby. But seriously, try going to sleep when your mind is too full, full of regrets, painful memories, hurtful words, and broken promises; try not crying when your heart aches so much from the burden of it all; try not having anxiety attacks when you feel so utterly alone in this fight against yourself.

Even though I don’t always write about what’s bothering me, and even though I haven’t even begun to write about the hard stuff that keeps me up at night, writing in this blog has lessened the load. Writing has served as such a healthy outlet (so much healthier than drinking or binge-eating).

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2. I’ve taken a writing class every semester of college (except for senior fall; maybe that’s why I had my mental breakdown). Now that I’ve graduated, I have no obligation to write papers, poems, stories, etc. I have no assignments, no deadlines, and no teachers. I want to continue to write creative pieces to push myself as a writer. Maybe I will write something spectacular, maybe I won’t. I won’t know if I don’t try, right?

Being a writer is a huge part of my identity, and I want to make sure I continue to grow and flourish as one.

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3. Not many people know this, but I used to have another blog. It was under an alias, and I didn’t share my blog with any of my friends. The blog contained a lot of personal information that I wasn’t necessarily comfortable sharing with people. I was scared of being judged, scared of being vulnerable, and scared of being labeled.

With this blog, however, I decided to reclaim my identity. I am not afraid to share my thoughts (or less so than before) and be who I really am. I’m weird, and I will not apologize for that.

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4. I wanted to be part of the blogger community. My best friend has a blog too. We are all part of a community, in real life and virtually. We share experiences, and we share pain. I think it’s a wonderful reminder of how similar we all are. I find that in anything, we seem to look for differences, all the ways in which we are not like each other. And while our differences set us apart and also make us beautiful in our own unique way, similarities are beautiful too. Shared stories, shared hurt, shared love, shared anything is also amazingly beautiful.

I think we all forget that sometimes.

If we remembered that we all have our stories, we all have our share of pain, and that we all have scars, we would be kinder to each other.

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5. To remember. When I’m well and whole, I want to remember who I was when I wasn’t. When I’m older and secure, I want to remember what it was like to know absolutely nothing about the future. When I am in a dark place, I want to remember the positive things about my life. When I become cynical and jaded by life, I want to remember my idealistic dreams of my 20’s. When I grow into “Eunice in a stable relationship,” I want to remember what it was like to be single. When I follow my dreams to achieve something great, I want to remember how to start other dreams again. When I feel broken, I want to remember how I patched myself back together.

I want to remember these things.

This is why I blog. I hope I don’t ever forget that.

xx

e

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