Stuck Here

Stuck Here

I don’t want to be here

But here I am, once again.

It comes around once a year, it seems.

Whenever the snow falls to the ground,

after the wishes and hopes of the holidays fade,

when all I see is dark and gloom

and all I feel is cold and emptiness,

I find myself right back here.

.

I swore I would never stand here alone again.

I made choices that were supposed to change things,

change me.

It’s a home I’ve never wanted.

The most tragic homecoming,

the worst of its kind.

.

All I hear are empty promises

ringing around in my head.

Promises that become nothing

at 2AM on a Friday night.

Promises that become worthless

when the monotony of everyday takes over.

.

It asked, “What can I do to help?”

Nothing.

I can’t possibly know.

Because when I ask, if I ask,

I’ll get the same old promises,

the same old promises that always seem to break.

And I can’t help but think,

Why should I have to tell you?

.

So I sit here, patiently

Waiting for summer to arrive and heal,

For the pain of this season to lessen in time,

For the dullness of my head to fade,

For the numbness of my body to disappear.

I’m stuck in this cycle of waiting.

Stuck here, for the time being.

xx

e

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