Dear B pt. 2

October 21, 2013

Dear B,

Hi. How are you? How has the last three years been?

You know what’s been on my mind? The last few texts we shared. I think I asked you about some sushi restaurant I ended up not ever going to; then I my final text to you was that November saying that I missed being friends with you, to which you replied, “Yeah.”

It honestly didn’t occur to me until now to be angry with you. I was sad, I was upset, and I was mad it didn’t work out, but I was never mad at you. But I know now that I am mad at you.

To be fair, I came into your life as an innocent, trusting, idealistic girl full of insecurities. I loved that you liked me. I loved that a guy like you found me attractive. I loved the attention, I loved the drama, and I loved the idea of us together. I was impressionable, and because of my insecurities or something, I didn’t understand how I should be treated. I just took in and cherished what you gave me, which in all honesty was a load of crap.

And I know you had a shitty childhood. You were messed up. You were neglected, and from what you told me, it sounded like your mother abused you. That sucks. And I really wanted to help you, heal you, love you. I didn’t know that’s not how it works sometimes.

I’m not saying this to excuse you or defend you in any way. I’m trying to understand what happened. I’m trying to make sense of why I’m still struggling to be normal.

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