I wonder what it is that keeps me awake at night.

Even though I have to be up in four and a half hours, I can’t seem to let my mind rest. My eyes refuse to shut. I know I’m going to feel exhausted tomorrow, but the thoughts won’t stop coming. I wish my mind would quiet down.

I wish I could be the type of person who falls asleep the moment her head hits the pillow. I wish I didn’t spend an hour and a half trying to fall asleep before finally getting up to write down some of my thoughts.

I had to go see a therapist because of my inability to sleep. My therapist told me that I should practice mindfulness via mediation to decrease my anxiety. She said that I needed to remind myself that I did not have to engage with the thoughts that flowed through my mind. She said that if I could do something to ease my anxiety, I should just get up to do it, and if there was nothing to do, I should tell myself, “You can’t do anything about it now. Let’s sleep and take care of that tomorrow.” And to ensure I didn’t feel anxious about forgetting, I should write down a list.

I think it helped for one night.

I still have no clue why I can’t sleep. I tried sleeping pills, but they ended up putting me to sleep for ten-ish hours, making me miss classes senior year. It made me feel groggy all day, so I stopped after a couple weeks.

Maybe I’ll take up yoga and try meditation again.

My mind really deserves a rest, and I genuinely want to be able to let my thoughts ebb away and sleep.




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  1. wishing you calm, deep breaths and total relaxation.


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