Drowning Voices

Drowning Voices

He made fun of me for not shaving my legs.

It was 6th grade.

He made fun of my flat chest.

He called them fried eggs because they were so flat.

She made fun of my hair.

She said they made my face look long.

She made fun of my flannel shirt.

She said it was stupid.

He said I was too big,

and that I took up too much space.

.

He said I was fat.

She said I was fat.

They said I was fat.

I once read a poster that said:

30 years from now, people won’t remember the clothes you wore,

but they will remember the words you said.

I don’t remember the clothes they wore;

Hell, I don’t remember what I wore.

But I remember the words they said.

Their words cut slits on my skin,

spill into the core of my body,

pumping venom through my veins.

Their words slice pieces of my body off, inch by inch,

until I become nothing,

until I am only defined by these words,

until I am nothing but thunder thighs sporting a wall of a chest.

.

People say college is the place to redefine ourselves.

It’s a great time to be whoever you want to be.

But what happens when you have no idea who you want to be?

What happens when you have no idea who you can be?

What happens when all you can hear inside you head is:

“You’re fat, stupid, and ugly.”

When men on the streets whistle at you and tell you:

“Yo girl, you got some big ass thighs.”

When you think you’re too fat,

Your boobs are too small

Your eyes are too small

Your ass is too big

You’re not Korean enough

You’re too Asian?

What happens when you don’t know how to redefine yourself,

because hundreds of others have already defined you all your life?

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1 Comment

  1. V. Lee

     /  August 15, 2013

    Love love love love love love loooove this.

    Reply

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