Biggest Internal Conflict

The biggest internal conflict as of late is the one between the two thoughts, “I want to be the friend who never gives up, never walks away, and is always there for her/him” and “I think I really need to walk away and protect my heart.”

Can someone tell me which is the right decision?

I remember when a friend of mine walked out of my life when I was depressed, when I needed her the most, when I needed her unconditional love the most, when I didn’t have enough power to love her or to love myself even. I remember how horrible I felt, and how broken I felt whenever I saw her after.

And yet I’ve learned in all of my social-work-related training that self-care is incredibly important. I’ve also learned how I find myself in abusive relationships because I put up with a lot of controlling and manipulating behavior.

So where do I draw the line?

He makes me feel like I’m unwanted sometimes. I sometimes feel like he doesn’t care about me much.

He reminds me a little bit of how I felt with my ex-boyfriend, and we had a messed up, unhealthy relationship.

But I want to also be the friend who is understanding and supportive of whatever he is going through even if he doesn’t tell me. I want to be the friend who is there through thick and thin.

I still chose to stick by my best friend even though she blew me off and broke promises with me plenty of times. And when she finally came around two years later, she apologized with all of her heart. She is one of my best friends and sincerely one of my favorite people in the world.

I can definitely argue for both sides very easily. I don’t know what to do.

xx

eunice

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3 Comments

  1. V. Lee

     /  July 21, 2013

    Sometimes you have to walk away to protect yourself. You can’t help anyone if you’re damaged. They’ll feel hurt, but they’ll understand?

    But things are easier said than done – _-

    Reply
  2. True. I’ve never been very good at walking away from people.

    Reply
    • V. Lee

       /  July 23, 2013

      Same -_- it sucks but it’s also something I’m extremely proud of.

      Reply

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