Attachment Issues

Today I was reading Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen (I read this book once every year).

I came across this quote:

When nothing made sense and hadn’t for ages, you just have to grab onto anything you feel sure of.

And I realized that I do this.

Being very much a gut person, I am pretty quick to decide if I like someone or not. For many reasons, I’ve always been the first to put myself out there, make myself be vulnerable,  and share a large piece of myself. Which means that I give people a piece of my heart to others…entrusting them with those pieces.

And just like that, I’m attached.

I don’t mean it in a clingy way; I just mean I instantly care about the person, and somehow manage to adapt my life to include a new person to care about.

Whenever I make plans to do something cool, I think to invite this new person. Whenever I think of something funny, I think to tell this new person. Whenever I hear an awesome story, I think to share with this new person. My life has henceforward been altered to include this new person in my life.

Recently I’ve come to realize not everybody is like that. A lot of people are slower to warm up, slower to come around, slower to adapt, slower to care.

To be completely honest, I think that is a healthier (loosely defined) option.

I wonder if the reason I get attached easily is because of what Sarah Dessen was referring to; when things are complicated and don’t make sense, you grab onto anything that you are sure of. Right?

As long as I can remember, something has always eluded me. From Kindergarten, finding out one day that my eyes were so bad that I needed to wear an eye patch, third grade, a friend threatening to kill herself because she felt betrayed by Sharon and me, fifth grade, 9/11,  seventh grade, falling “in love” for the first time and also being depressed for the first time, all the way to senior year of high school, learning of my best friend’s sexual assault. And this is just a snapshot of the things that didn’t make sense to me in my life.

When all of these things were happening, when nothing seemed to make sense, I grabbed onto the things I was sure of: friendship.

I get attached easily, which means I’m usually the one to get the boot when things do not work out. But it’s also led me to some incredible friends. Win some, lose some…and I’d rather lose a lot and hurt a lot than to have missed out on the friends I have now.

So maybe these aren’t issues I need to fix…just a way of being I need to accept.



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1 Comment

  1. V. Lee

     /  July 11, 2013

    I love you ❤ gosh, I'm so happy you post so often. Gives me something to read. It'd be nice if more of our friends were writers!


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