Rainbow Fish

My friend B once told me she thought I was a lot like the Rainbow Fish.

Two years ago, I asked her what she thought was my biggest strength, and she replied, “You remind me of the Rainbow Fish.”

This conversation stuck with me because it was genuinely one the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

She explained that I was a lot like the Rainbow Fish because I exude a “sparkly energy” like the sparkly scales of the Rainbow Fish; she described the sparkliness as just my positive, free, nice, happy energy. And she continued to say that like the Rainbow Fish, I give my positivity to others until I’m left with just a little bit for myself.

B told me I give myself away to others without expecting anything in return, or being okay with very little in return. She said she was worried that I wouldn’t have anything left enough for myself.

Recently it’s become more and more apparent how much I do this. I definitely am not trying to make myself to sound like a matyr of any kind; I like to take on the “giver” role in many of my relationships. This is just a prime example of how I do not take good care of myself, which then leads to my inability to be a good friend to others when I’m running low on my sparkly energy…in other words, when I’m depressed.

I’ve noticed how much I do for others knowing that I’m hurting myself. It’s masochism…but not to that extreme.

Here’s the thing, when I give a little bit of myself away to people, I know I get something back too. I know that every time I see someone happy because of me, I feel something greater than how I feel alone. If I balance this with more self-care, I think my life would be good.

And hopefully, this is how others see the world too. If everybody gave a little bit of themselves to others, maybe everybody would be sparkly.



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