Complicated personality traits

The other day, my best friend in college J looked at me and said that I was “easy going.” I smiled and nodded because I’m easy going.

Right?

Wrong.

The next day, I called one of my best friends from high school, K and told her what J had said. She immediately started laughing, and I too laughed.

“She said you were easygoing?”

“I know! You know me. I’m so uptight.”

Uptight in the nicest way possible of course. I know what I want. I know what I like, and I know what I don’t like. I don’t mean to say that I am not open to new experiences, because I love trying new things. My response to “Do you want to do so and so” is usually “Why not?”

But here’s my sticking point.

Image

Does this picture bother you as much as it bothers me? When I make my bed, I like the pillows turned a certain way, the comforter folded at a certain length, etc. When I fold my clothes, I like my graphics shirts folded a certain way, plain shirts rolled, camis and tanks rolled, pants folded in thirds, etc.

When things are different from how I’ve pictured it, I do freak out a little. My whole body cringes. I like that I know what I want/like.

But to a certain extent, I am easygoing. A large portion of that might be due to my anxiety issues. Ironic, right? For example, when I go to lunch with others, I don’t like making decisions. The pressure of choosing a restaurant that pleases everyone (esp. one that doesn’t disappoint anyone) is too much. It makes me feel anxious, and so I’d rather have someone else make that decision because I don’t mind being disappointed. In other words, I’d rather be disappointed than to disappoint others.

Anxiety leads to easygoingness. BAM. In theory, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but in practice it seems to make perfect sense.

Nobody is just one thing. There is a complex web of personality traits that are always in motion.

I’m an easygoing, uptight person with anxiety issues. Nothing in that sentence is an oxymoron.

xx

eunice

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1 Comment

  1. V. Lee

     /  June 30, 2013

    You should see me when I’m instructing someone how to make my bed. I get SO mean.

    Reply

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