Murphy’s Law and Hope

My understanding of Murphy’s Law is quite elementary; I don’t know the back story to how this “phenomenon” was named, nor do I full understand the concept. In my mind, it’s Murphy’s Law in action when you switch lanes because your lane was going slowest, then as soon as you switch over, your new lane is now the slowest. Murphy’s Law is as stated:

“Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”

I realized how ridiculously I cling to this law in a recent conversation I had with my best friends from high school. We were on the topic of relationships, which eventually led to discussions of marriage.

My best friend V asked, “Who do you think will have the first marriage and child realistically?”

My immediate reaction was, “Since I want it right now and possibly the most, I’ll probably be the last.”

Let’s just take a moment to breathe in how incredibly morbid that sounds.

It is almost as if I am doubting every possibility of happiness, just in case it doesn’t happen. It resembles my feelings when I say “You don’t have to…” when someone says they will “call right back” because if they don’t (which happens surprisingly too often), I am not disappointed because I had said there was no need to return the call. I think about the worst case scenario quite often.

It might not make sense to those who know me; mostly because I am always the first to say that I am an idealist who fantasizes about slightly unrealistic but “how wonderful would it be if…” scenarios.

Perhaps due to the the countless times when my idealistic daydreams did not come true, I’ve developed this habit of saying aloud and thinking about morbid possibilities. However, even though those words slipped out of my mouth (well texted to my friends) during the conversation about marriage, I still hope that I’m the first one to get married in the near future. I still cling on to the shred of hope that I will meet someone tomorrow, someone I will want to settle down with.

My brain and my heart always seem to be at odds. My heart is completely ruled by the idealistic Eunice, while my brain is overpowered by the cynical Eunice who ridiculously believes that if she spews negative sentiments, she won’t be disappointed later. But let’s be real for a second. I am disappointed. I am disappointed when my friend doesn’t call me back. I am disappointed when I realize I’m the furthest person from marriage or anything of that sort. I am disappointed even when I say something to guard myself from it.

Hope, being what it is, will ultimately lead to yet another disappointment.

But what if one day, it doesn’t?

xx

eunice

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2 Comments

  1. V. Lee

     /  June 29, 2013

    I get this sentiment. Trying to remain cheerful and optimistic while spewing cynical statements so you won’t be disappointed later…it feels so hypocritical, but I always do it.

    Reply
  1. Broken Promises | Simply Beautiful

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